the bottom('s) line

i met me friend, S1, for lunch to have some thai. i love S1. simply put, she's awesome. she's all stylish clothes, afro puff, and arid observations.

"do you get fucked?" she asked, after taking a sip of soda.
"hello. nice to meet ya."
she laughs. "i know. sorry. but we've never talked about it."
"why do you want to know?"
"curiosity," she shrugs. "so. do you get fucked?"
"nope"
"why not?"

i pause. take a bite of my orange chicken.

"tried it. hated it."

i was 18. he was 38 y/o. this was during the dark ages of the internet (no aol, no gay.com, no manhunt). we met on an online 'bulletin board'. he was only seven inches - but wide. and impatient. and he wasn't so much excited about fucking an 18 y/o than the opportunity to brag about it to his online cronies. (which, incidentally, he did).

"would you ever?"
"never."
"never? never ever?" today? she's lois lane.
"the list of guys who are allowed to top me is short. for a dude to successfully top me, i would need vows of everlasting devotion. at the very least a credit check."

she laughs because she knows i'm serious.

we discuss the suspects. (butt) pirates from treasure island or the euro(trashy) tops from machofucker. chris meloni. henry rollins.

that said, there is one individual that i would bend over for with no questions asked - nor credit check required:

doyle wolfgang von frankenstein (of the misfits). i've often entertained a fairly hardcore scenario of having him farm me out as a pig bottom to his bandmates. me, in boots, collar and a jock - chained doggy style on top of an amp. they take multiple turns: verbal, piss, 'forced' fucking. and he, naturally, would have first rights to plug me and last rights to breed me. with his bandmates' cum (and spit. and sweat.) as lube.

for obvious reasons, i don't disclose this in the discussion.

"for you - that's a really obvious list," she finally says.
"i'm nothing but reliable," i tell her.

despite being secretive about the whole "wanting to be a cum dump for a hardcore punk band", i don't pussy-foot when it comes to my regular sexual m.o. getting off is not just an impulse for me. it's serious business. and i may look boy-next-door, but there is a 95% chance i will nail you if you look a criminal. otherwise you drop down to 90% (however, a big dick re-increases your chances).

after a few minutes, she finally says: "you just have issues in allowing someone to take sexual control."

i've heard this argument before. and i'm usually dismissive of it. however, coming from S1 i consider it worth discussing as she's (a) hetero + woman and (b) not saying this while simultaneously trying to insert.

i'm actually okay with letting a dude 'drive' in a non-topping capacity. i've let a few bottoms tie me up and/or blindfold me. and i love when a bottom is an aggressive bitch. that gets my blood hot and my dick harder. i've even Sub'ed a few times.

but of course there's a caveat. as long as i'm the one doing the poking in the end (har, har) - it's all good in the hood.