fucking: the united nations edition

earlier this week i was jerking off to an online clip of a russian dude pounding the hell out of a bottom. porn-wise, he was the usual russian type: into slightly raunchy sex, nicely built, huge uncut dick, and gregarious (at one point while fucking, he laughed and flashed the camera the "rock 'n' roll" finger sign).

this got me thinking about sex i've had with non-american queers. and i realized that depending on the country, each of my fucks fell into similar trends.

i should emphasize these are nationals i'm referring to - not those of american extraction. each fuck mentioned was born and raised in the corresponding country.

i'm being (partially) humorous here - so try not to take offense. this isn't a document going to kofi anan, so this isn't gonna make any country "look bad". it's just sex, y'all.

the UK: obviously, there are exceptions to what i'm about to say, but the brits i fucked around with were...well-behaved...in the sack. no verbal. no rough stuff. certainly no spitting. there was one briton i fucked a handful of times and the set-up never changed. i met him at the hotel room (he was a flight attendant). we briefly chatted. i fucked him doggy...and that was it. not one drop of sweat was exerted. which worked for me since he was a lunch time fuck, but still...

i still haven't fucked a scot or an irishman, but i've always gotten the impression either one would be (a)drunk and (b)playful in the sack. of course, this is all based upon colin ferrell movies.

italy: if you've been to la italia, you realize a wealth of fucakble guys (gay & hetero) exists there. italian guys tend to be the most straightforward europeans - particularly if it's related to something that turns them on. so i'm sad to say that the three italians i was involved with all had a hard time turning themselves on. and each one was secretive about the whole gay/sex thing. and while i love me some secret sex - getting them in the bed was an ardorous process. dare i generalize? could the famed italian machismo play a factor? are they afraid to give the hole up to another dude? i wonder. think about it: have you ever seen a gay porn video featuring all italian nationals? i haven't.

france: haven't banged a gay french dude yet. do they exist? because i have yet to meet one. they're elusive and mysterious. like unicorns.

greece: i've only fucked one greek guy, but that was in college (and i was drunk beyond belief), so there are no surviving records. sorry, folks.

russia: the dirtiest whores in the sack. i've had sex with four russian nationals, and each one was a trashy fuck. this is different from fetish/edgier sex (more on that later). this is straight up guerilla sex. the russians i've fucked have shown a complete openess to fucking anywhere, anytime. examples include: fucking in a parking garage stairwell in broad daylight. a three-way with a set of russian boyfriends that involved a sling, elbow grease, and a set of dildos.

and there was a particularly memorable fuck involving 100+ degree weather and a cramped apartment with no air conditioning:

Russian Fuck 1: take your clothes off.
ME: sweet talking me? is unnecessary. for real.
RF1: ...we do not have much time. my boyfriend will be home soon.
ME: won't your place smell like fucking, then?
RF1: da. that's the idea.

norway/sweden/denmark: in my younger years, i had a slight predilection for the whole nordic type - but i never (yet) had the opportunity to test drive.

there are still continents i have yet to explore: most asiatic countries (although once at steamworks, me and a chinese dude did take turns fucking his boyfriend). latin and south america (although once at a club, i did make out with a super butch papi from puerto rico). africa. australia/new zealand.

there's been a surge in videos featuring (supposedly) middle eastern dudes, but i've yet had the opportunity to fuck one. i'd certainly like to, since hairy dudes are a weakness of mine. i've also yet to fuck a canadian, although i can certainly think of one who is definitely on my "must fuck immediately" list.

and now...libertine's country of choice in terms of sex:

germany: yeah. i know, not a surprise considering what i get into. i've fucked around with several german nationals, and every last one was a freak on a leash. i've had the most "my first" with german men: and i've had a lot of "firsts", so that should tell you something. you can piss on a german dude, Sub him out, make him "take" a load (or two. or seven.) up the ass and he will still also want to get fisted. also? never met a german dick smaller than 8+ inches. and if they were smaller - the circumference was that of a beer can.

but the most crucial reason i enjoy germans? german men can bottom like no one else. topping a german guy is not just a fuck - it's an experience. it's like going on an all-expense paid trip to FuckVille: you'll have a great time and you know you'll visit again. if a guy mentions in his profile that he is a german national, i immediately perk up because i know it's on. if i spy a german national, i know (a) to break out the full inventory (b) to slot more an hour.

or two. or seven.