the things they say about him

musings of a sexual libertine

Thursday, December 28, 2006

like a virgin

"why a sex blog?"

i was sitting with a friend to have some thai. we were discussing our current creative endeavors (he's in the visual arts). we were discussing the fleshbot mention - and how i never really expected it (or any kind of exposure). i was explaining the sort of things i blog about when he asked that question.

i gave the following three answers (i'll let you decide which was the primary reason):

  1. i wanted a creative outlet
  2. i wanted to titillate
  3. i wanted a new way to get laid

we continued with our conversation, but a part of my brain continued to examine my third answer.

why do i enjoy sex so much? and why do i have such a strong drive to seek it out? i wonder if there is more to it aside from being a "sex maniac". at seventeen, when i first started having sex - the answer was simple (and cliched).

teenage rebellion.

i grew up in a strict, fundamentalist household. rigid curfews, bible classes, a continuous moratorium on having fun - the whole nightmare. also? i was, quite literally, being raised with the intention of becoming a minister.

(yeah - i know)

sometimes i try to imagine myself in the guise of a religious shepard. i envision sensible slacks (dockers, perhaps?) and a conservative tie. but the image always blurs - and through the responsible clothes i always see a dirty jockstrap and a chain-link harness.

like most queers, i knew long ago that i was a homo. but as with any repressed christian - i was doing my hardest to bury it. i limited myself to jack-off sessions that were drenched with equal amounts of cum and guilt.

but then, two months shy of my eighteenth birthday i "discovered" gay sex. i've been a sexual pizarro ever since.

that first, furtive blowjob quickly gave way to guy-on-guy fucking. conventional fucking gave way to to 3-ways and groups. which led to role play. role play gave way to dom/sub sex. and that was a gateway into pig play (watersports, crisco, spit, restraints). and then finally to that undiscovered taboo: barebacking.

(see? apparently gay sex does lead to depravity!)

and then there are the lays. i've played with guys in the 20s, 30s and 40s. even a small handful in their 50s (don't hate - their bodies were killer). short dudes. tall. white. black. purple. you get the idea.

i've sexed my way through my late teens and twenties. as of this past fall - i am now fucking through my thirties. ten years later and sex is still a new frontier. forever a (very) wild west.

each guy, each group, every encounter is, quite literally, like fucking for the first time. for me, each sexual experience is a brand new sensory experience.

how else would i have learned that the first time a dude pissed a hot stream on my chest that i would get one of the biggest hard ons i will ever remember? or that the feeling of sliding into a tight, raw hole would become a habit instead of an unacted fetish? even the dress code is always brand new. wearing a jock'n'cock (with or without grinders). a wrestling singlet. or wearing nothing but my own sweat.

and that's why i enjoy sex so much - probably more than anything with the exception of reading or writing (creatively).

it never loses its potency. sex is the one thing i am never jaded about.


Anonymous Drub said...

Simply awesome. Thanks for the insight.

12/28/2006 8:28 PM  
Anonymous victor said...

Thank God for us. ;)

12/29/2006 10:22 AM  
Anonymous Paul said...

How about sharing your thoughts about HIV? How do you resolve this with your passion for barebacking?

12/30/2006 10:32 AM  
Blogger libertine di homo said...

How about sharing your thoughts about HIV? How do you resolve this with your passion for barebacking?

well "paul", your questions - and the phrasing used in presenting said questions - strike me as being somewhat loaded. especially since you have posted this without any sort of linkback to who you are. and if you were attempting to be confrontational? well...then daddy's gonna have to give ya a spanking.

but i'm going to give the benefit of the doubt and assume that this wasn't an attempt to be inflammatory.

i accept and understand the consequences of my sexual choices. and i always communicate with the dudes i fuck. and since i ensure that everyone is on the same page before i stick my dick in him/them - it's up to whomever i'm fucking to decide if he/they want to get fucked with or without a condom. that is his/their choice as a consenting adult. i make my choice - they make theirs.

so there's nothing to "resolve".

12/31/2006 12:37 AM  
Blogger Sixpencenotthewiser said...

Your insights are truly cool. Not all of us can actually do instrospection and realize why is it that we whore around. And the best part is that it's still fresh and you really seem to enjoy the men you're with. Awesome. No wonder Fleshot noticed (but I came by way of the Montrealer) :-D

1/01/2007 9:25 PM  
Anonymous mark said...

Funny how many of us repressed Christian Fundamentalist were out there and finally came out.

Took me years.

1/03/2007 10:04 AM  
Blogger Jesse Archer said...

At last, an unapologetic slut. I'm so tired of hearing how "empty" casual sex is and becomes. Thank you.

ps. I've no idea how to respond to blog comments. I wish you would teach me...

1/11/2007 7:17 PM  
Blogger libertine di homo said...

"I wish you would teach me..."

jesse, jesse, jesse. you (cock)tease me with such double meanings.

i will teach you whatever you need. just ask. ;-)

also? thanks to everyone for the supportive and concurring comments. glad to know it didn't come across as twee and self-absorbed.

1/13/2007 1:56 AM  

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