the things they say about him

musings of a sexual libertine

Saturday, January 20, 2007

taking a stand

i'm a pretty laid back sort of guy. on principle, i prefer for things to be chill and easy-going. and that always applies to sex. whether it's my sex life or someone elses - my thought is that the mantra going into the sexcapade should be "do what you want as long as it doesn't hurt anyone."

which brings me to the subject of this post. there's a blog* out there where the writer also focuses on his sex life. now, i'm always down for (and get turned on) reading about other people's sexual experiences. but what sets this blog apart is the following:
  1. he deliberately lies to guys and will tell them he has a condom on and either never puts it on or will not tell the guy that he took it off.
  2. if they are fucking raw - he has supposedly trained himself to shoot a few streams into the dude. this, after the bottom in question has specifically asked him not to do so.
that? fucked up and absolutely reprehensible. there's no other way to explain it. and there certainly is no way to justify or excuse it. bareback all you want - but it damn well better be between two consenting adults. if someone tells you to put a condom on - either do it - or fucking extract yourself out of the situation. frankly, anything else is tantamount to assault. if someone says 'no' - that fucking means 'no'.

this blogger also claims that he is HIV negative - which (according to his narrative) excuses his behavior. it doesn't. neg or poz, it's an amazingly punk-ass and cowardly way to behave. plus? if you can look someone in the face and lie about using a condom, it certainly is not unreasonable to think that you are also lying about your HIV status.

this dude is lucky he hasn't gotten his ass kicked by someone in the midst of pulling his stunts. honestly, i certainly don't think it would be undeserved for it to happen if he was found out.

that's all i gotta say on the matter.


*you know who you are. i'm not even gonna bother URLing your ass. because quite frankly, you don't deserve the exposure.


Blogger rawTOP said...

I went through a phase like that myself. It was just a few times and I never got into the groove of doing it like the blogger you're talking about.

But personally, I do feel it makes a difference if the top KNOWS he's neg. As you said yourself "do what you want as long as it doesn't hurt anyone." If the top really does know he's neg then he can't really 'hurt' the bottom.

Based on how he's presented himself in his blog I totally see where you could draw the conclusion that you don't trust him when he says he's neg. I've chatted with him a fair amount about a variety of things and see a different side of him... There's more consent than he describes in his stories, and he really is pretty careful about keeping himself neg, but you wouldn't know that from the blog. I'm not saying I support every detail of each hookup he has - just that I don't think it's quite as bad as it sounds.

The good side of the blog is that it's cautionary tale for bottoms who play on the edge. On the other hand, to me, the biggest danger with the blog is that other tops, who aren't careful about staying neg (or are poz), will mimic what he does. But it's still free speech, so I can't see censoring it on those grounds...

1/21/2007 11:20 AM  
Blogger 9w said...

thank you for saying that. and well said too.

1/21/2007 1:04 PM  
Blogger libertine di homo said...

i see where you're coming from, rawtop - but i have to (respectfully) disagree.

even if he is absolutely certain he is neg - "no" still means "no". being neg does not excuse his behavior. his sexual partner(s) told him to put a condom on and/or not cum in them. unless discussed beforehand that it was part of a "scene" they were doing - he is obligated to respect that.

they are going into this thinking they are playing safe - and he decides without consulting them that they aren't. he's not asking or discussing this with them beforehand. hell - he's not even bothering to talk to them while he's in the midst of fucking them. what he is doing, however, is lying and/or deceiving someone to get what he wants.

also? it is an unbelievable mindfuck to pull on someone by behaving that way. he's commented on how he gets off on how freaked out the person is once they discover he hasn't used a condom. so, worse, it's not even a last minute compulsion that drives him to do this - its something he has premeditated.

and even if there is more consent involved than what he is presenting - he needs to make that clear. otherwise he is setting a dangerously irresponsible precendent for people who may not have the common sense to realize that perhaps elements of his stories were heightend for dramatic effect.

and it's more than a cautionaty tale for bottoms - its a cautionary tale for anyone who is sexually active. it's a reminder that a person will easily lie and pull inexcusably shitty stunts just to bust a nut.

and yes - it's his right to blog/say whatever he wants. but that doesn't ignore the fact that he is still being sexually and socially irresponsible.

1/21/2007 1:46 PM  
Blogger Eloquent Bottom said...

This is a fascinating thread and provocative post, primarily because of the element of aggression that The Unnamed Top obviously, as Libertine describes here, gets off on. Yet, RawTop's comment also has an element of truth to it. More than a cautionary tale, it reveals quite a lot about the dynamics of tops and bottoms, ultimately, and about misapprehensions and miscommunications, as well as sheer assholotry (OK, I know, not a work, but an incredibly useful concept in the fuckosphere) out there and in here, in the fuckosphere soi-meme. There have been moments, in my past, where I have had questionable activity with tops, and where, to the last, they had steadfastly refused to take responsibility for their own (and subsequently, my) health. The Unnamed Top may indeed "know" his status at the moment, but there is always, *always* that crucial 6-12 week window, where relatively little is known, unless he is regularly getting RNA testing done, which I doubt. I've gone on to long here, but I do appreciate the principled critique of some of the practices which, while a pleasure to read, seem rather blithe towards something that is a sight more unmanageable than diabetes, and is often something I wonder about. I'm no PollyAnna, but there is a difference between taking responsibility for your sexual practices (and health) and taking advantage of trust and/or lust. But perhaps that is all part of it too.

1/22/2007 1:13 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

touche, and amen, libertine -- u have captured my outrage over this appalling mentality

1/22/2007 11:45 AM  
Blogger The Average Joe said...

Now I know all the tops here are having a little debate about this but, the whole cum in the ass thing, A BOTTOM KNOWS! as soon as any cum gets shot. I personally think the shooting cum part is garnishing.

And no bottom takes a raw cock not expecting a guy to cum in him. if he does hes quite stupid because to trust a random stranger with that is dumb (have made the mistake in the past). more than anything it is wrong to cum in someone when they say no.

1/23/2007 2:32 PM  
Blogger Jesse Archer said...

Thanks for taking that stand. Even though that blog is a hot read, it's sickening how we gays have the courage to come out at the risk of our families friends and lives ...and then some of us don't even have the balls to treat each other decently.
The day we stand up and treat each other with equal respect is the day the world treats us with equal respect. And clearly it's a long way off.

1/24/2007 12:36 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey, Libertine. I totally agree with you that this guy is a psychopath, but I can tell you from firsthand experience that his blog is full of bullshit. I know this because a few weeks ago I was reading his blog and he described me exactly and the situation of our hookup (including where I live, my ethnicity, and the time of night among other details). The thing was he lied about the events.

He got to my place, he wasn't as cute as his Manhunt pics--just average, and I think that's being kind...and a little creepy. So when he went down to lick my hole. I said, know what, let's watch some porn and jack off...because I didn't want his mouth anywhere near me. He got pissed, called me a cock tease, grabbed his coat and stormed out. I was like, ok, freak. I blocked him on Manhunt and thought that was the end of it.

2 days later I read that he seduced me and shot in my ass. Nope. So as sick as this fucker's little stories are, I bet he never gets into any holes anyway. Please, people, this is the internet. He can say whatever his fucked up little mind can think of. And I bet he loves the attention because he doesn't get it in real life.


1/24/2007 12:54 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I scream my support at the top of my lungs--I have read that blog and this individual, when all is said and done, is literally a fucking liar. Rawtop says we are not getting the full picture. This guy doesn't appear to have any difficulty expressing himself. Please explain to me what kind of human being would portray himself as an unabashed liar and ENJOYING someone he's just fucked freaking out over his actions? I am not Paul Purity--I've been around the block and looking to take many more laps. But I'm with Libertine--if someone took my refusal to engage in bareback sex as an opportunity to lie to me, they have decided to put their life in my hands.

1/24/2007 9:48 PM  
Anonymous Skippy said...

I've been reading these bareback blogs for a while, and while I find most of them really exciting, this particular blogger and his cavalier attitude has always bothered me.

I've never said anything because the usual answer to criticisms when it comes to blogs is 'If you don't like it, don't read it'.

Well, he's a good writer, and his stories are pretty hot - but that doesn't stop me from being appalled when he talks about his stealth seeding.

I don't care how 'neg' you think you are - if I've said I don't want to you to cum inside me, then I don't want you to cum inside me. If I've asked you to use a condom, then you must use a condom.

Anything else is not what I consented to.

If you don't like it, and you ONLY fuck raw, then tell me to get lost.

I appreciate that tops get a kick out of 'breeding' someone, but surely if you're THAT good a top, you should have no problems finding bottoms who are eager and willing to take your load?

1/25/2007 6:34 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

thanks for posting that - i know exactly who you're talking about, and am sort of appalled by his views on fucking. what's hot is when it's consensual. otherwise, it's arguably rape.

1/26/2007 2:05 PM  
Blogger Sixpencenotthewiser said...

*Bows to Libertine* The key word is CONSENTING.

1/28/2007 4:25 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

ummm... has anyone thought about the FACT that in some states, including NEW YORK, it is ILLEGAL to fuck someone without a condom WITHOUT their consent!

in some cases it has been considered attempted murder if the top is HIV positive.

anybody remember the civil case re: rock hudson's ex?

1/28/2007 6:33 PM  
Anonymous tazirk said...

I was a little shocked when I read about this guy. I wondered who you all were talking about and did a google search using some keywords and phrases you guys used. I found the blog. Bareback doesn't shock me...after all, we should have a choice about how we have sex. However, this guy takes away the choice and in a sense, rapes his bottoms. That is totally uncool no matter how you put it. It is a hot read but I wouldn't trust him in a hook up particularly reading the extents he'll go to to fuck someone raw without their knowlege/consent.

2/01/2007 6:34 PM  
Blogger Christopher said...

I've read his journal, and I have to agree with you. I'm a victim of a lying top, and have been poz ever since. I tested positive merely weeks after my 22nd birthday. (Coming up on my 5th year poz, 7/12/2007) On the one hand, I did make the choice and put myself at risk (neither of us had condoms, but he claimed I was the first guy he'd ever slept with, that he was neg [and he was damn insistent and questioned me a lot about my history, which made me believe him], etc.) Turns out, he lied about his name, had a long term (male) partner of 6 years, and had been pulling the whole "straight" routine to lure in boys for quite some time. After I tested positive, I tried to confront him, but he moved out of his apartment, changed his cell phone number, and deleted his email address within 2 weeks of me leaving my first voice mail message telling him that I'd tested positive. That's when I started researching and found out more about him.

People lie to get what they want. It happens all the time. Never put your health in the hands of someone else. We all have the choice and power to control our lives. Bottoms can protect themselves by providing their own condom, putting it on their dick for them, lubing it up, and guiding the tops cock into themselves, checking with a hand to make sure the condom is secured. Condoms break, but you can usually hear the sound and feel the difference immediately. MAKE the top pull out. Don't accept anything you feel uncomfortable with. Don't allow yourself to be put in a position you can't control.

For those into dom/sub scenes, understand that it comes with a higher level of risk. It's important not to choose random partners for activities like this. Know your partners before you play.

For those into bareback, get tested, and often. Tests are 90% accurate within 30 days, 99.99% accurate within 3 months. You can't be 100% certain that you're negative, which means you can't be 100% sure your partner is negative, even if they just got tested. Understand the risks and accept responsibility. Knowing and limiting your partners is your best bet to minimizing risk.

And most importantly: always, always, ALWAYS respect a persons wishes and limits. To do otherwise, it's rape, it's assault, it's attempted murder -- but most importantly, it's a CRIME.

4/18/2007 11:01 AM  

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