the things they say about him

musings of a sexual libertine

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

a faux pas so dumb i can't even think of a clever title

in the car with a friend. talking about sex (of course). we're chatting about sex-partner deal-breakers.

he: "i can't have sex with someone with a jacked up grill."
me: "really?"
he: "really."
me: "if he's face down in the pillow - does it matter?"
he: "slut."
me: "well, yes. you knew this."

it continues like this. other nays include: a man with disproportionally small hands/feet (me). a man with cheap looking shoes (him). a man with unclipped nails (me). a man with pancake ass (him). a man who whines about how bigger dicks "hurt" (anyone with sense really. crybaby).

then i say..."i can't have sex with someone whose significantly shorter than me. feels weird. like chris hanson might burst through the door."
he: (laughs) "how short are we talking?"
me: "oh i don't know. like five-nine."
he: "that's not short."
me: "it's chuck-e-cheese short."
he: (silence)
me: (oblivious) "like car-seat short."

i chuckle at my oh-so witty rejoinder. seconds elapse. i continue eating my mentos. more seconds pass. i look over - he's staring straight ahead, lips compressed. looks seriously irked.

and that's when i remember. he's barely skirting five-nine.*

oy. note to self: open mouth/remove foot. plus i must start remembering that when playing a game of "yay or nay" to ensure persons in convo (who are not me) do not possess discussed nays.

*(oh man. this anecdote is totally setting me up to get lambasted by short(er) guys. have no fear - i'm kidding about the height thing. i'm a size queen only for the thing that really matters. ba-dum-bum.)


Blogger The Average Joe said...

I've told anecdotes of how i dont get along with Leos while not knowing the person im speaking to is also a Leo.

How is 5'11?

3/28/2007 10:02 AM  
Blogger Jesse Archer said...

5' 9"'s are a dime a dozen...but they're so adorable. I love how their shoulders fit right under my armpit when walking around town.

3/28/2007 10:57 AM  
Blogger Regina F said...

5'9 is short?!

3/29/2007 2:52 PM  
Anonymous John said...

I'm 6'4" How's that?

For me it sucks...I've always wanted to be with a dude taller than me but it has yet to happen.

3/29/2007 4:55 PM  
Blogger The Neighbors Will Hear said...

I'm 6' even, and I don't think short kicks in until 5'7 or so. 5'9 or 5'10 is just the right height so that you can lean your head down slightly for the snog.

3/29/2007 8:16 PM  
Blogger libertine di homo said...

How is 5'11?
you'll be bent over, so its not an issue.

5'9 is short?!
see? i told y'all i would get in trouble. ;-)

I'm 6'4" How's that?
that? is tall. i've been with a guy your height, tho.

ok. just want to remind everyone i'm being completely facetious about this height thing. hope no one was taking this seriously and got offended.

height really isn't a big deal for me. i don't care how tall/short a dude is as long as he's not a pain in the ass to deal with.

3/30/2007 12:04 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Barely Skirting 5'9" has a crush on you.

4/13/2007 9:45 AM  
Blogger libertine di homo said...

"Barely Skirting 5'9" has a crush on you."

nah...i think it was a case of me putting my foot in my mouth. plus, i was being especially acerbic that day - he was probably also just sick of my mouth. we're too much like brothers for him to have a crush.

4/13/2007 10:20 PM  

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