the things they say about him

musings of a sexual libertine

Monday, March 19, 2007

stupid shit: the hook-up edition

goddamn. starting the work-week already in a funk. getting laid this weekend was a chore. sometimes it's like drive-thru - and other times the amount of stupid shit makes my head hurt.

the following is bullshit people do on (hook-up) sites. i'm pretty sure that, of those who hook-up online, all of us has gone through various combinations of the things below. i just felt like bitching about it. coitus vox populi.

  1. a dude who posts pictures of his dick and/or ass and is "scandalized" when a person hits him up for fucking. and not just a sideview of his ass - but a spreadeagled "his-hole is-thisclose to the lens" picture. and he gets pissy when asked if he's looking to get fucked. dumbfounding.
  2. a dude who uses his profile as a manifesto to complain about the "meaninglessness" of the hook-up scene, and how empty sex is, and how he is looking for something meaningful...ZZzzzZZ. wake the fuck up - you're on the online equivalent of a bathhouse. please give me an unapologetic slut (tm jesse archer) anyday.
  3. a bottom who will ask you "to bring another top". i like a good gangbang as much as the next dude - but we don't travel in packs. b.y.o.t., stupidass.
  4. one-word emails. typically just "nice pix" or "sup?" how 'bout asking me something less vague like, "will you cum on my face?" or "can i piss on your chest?"
  5. "the calendar fuck". a dude who is looking to fuck five hours from now. or more annoying, the out-of-towner who is trying to book something, like, next fucking week. shithead. my dick is hard right now. not in six hours - and not next fucking week (i mean, it probably will be..but come the fuck on...)
  6. the dude who types ALL IN CAPS LOCKS.
  7. the "no femme, no short, no fat, no old, no young, no bi, no neg, no poz, no black, no white, no purple/green/magenta" jesus, dude...who will you fuck, then?
  8. endless emails: question upon question. upon fucking question. most of which could be answered if the dude read my profile. if he's this clueless during the cruising portion - you know the sex portion will be a black hole of uselessness.
  9. the dude who asks for more pictures, despite already seeing the ones already in my profile. this is not a modelling agency. i do not have a portfolio for your viewing amusement, fucknut.

i'm in a mood - off to bed.


Blogger Michael said...

LOL! I totally agree. I see guys that post pics of their hard ons and assholes but then say that they're not looking for "hookups" only ltr. WTF???

3/19/2007 6:10 PM  
Blogger MileHigh said...

#8 is the WORST. Especially after they say, "I'm down. Let's do it." I ask for directions, and then the questions begin. I let one more question slide. After that, I know they're just playing games and getting off THINKING about my dick in their asses. They don't really want it there. So I drop them.

3/19/2007 9:14 PM  
Blogger The Average Joe said...

When im hunting for sex, I ask
1) wanna cum up my hairy hole
2) whats your poison of choice
3) can you take a cab instead?

I like a meaningful conversation as the next but I hate it when guys want to meet in a few days or whatever.

oh and when i put a wet hairy ass pic online I expect a guy to get inside of me.

3/20/2007 8:44 PM  
Blogger Sixpencenotthewiser said...

Well, this managed to be at the same time funny and to the point. The whole hookup thing needs to be redefined. As you said, this is the equivalent of a bathhouse and some confused people need to use other kind of social networking to have a conversation. But the in-advance-fuck-booking, the b.a.t. and the no/no/no talk about the narrow niche some people carve for themselves. Sex on a platter, all you can eat, with the same flavour of the Olive Garden or any 'ethnic' chain restaurant. Downgraded for the masses, they could not go for the real thing: anonymous sex. Sweaty, hot, hard no-strings-attached fuckfest. They need to wake the fuck up. Thanks for bitch-slapping them. Bet some liked it.

3/22/2007 9:39 AM  
Blogger BikeGuy said...

I admit to being guilty to #5.

If guys weren't such assholes to not show when they say, I wouldn't have to take a week to triple book each trip I'm going to be on.

Never once have I had two guys show at the same appointed time. They flake.

..and sometimes, when working out of town, i can't afford to get online while working on-site somewhere else to post or answer an ad.

I'm not saying this is all right or wrong - just sometimes necessary.

3/24/2007 5:28 PM  
Anonymous geek said...


Mind if I add 2 more that piss me the fuck off?

1: "Do you PnP?"

I'm like, "Butthead, it states 'NO PNP' in big bold letters. What do you think?"

2: "I'm a top"

When I look for tops it means I need my ass fucked. Nothing pisses me off more to get to a guy's place, get my pants off and his ass spikes into the air.

Anyway man great post. Thanks

3/26/2007 4:00 AM  

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